Dad might be in the other room with the brownies I left on the stove to cool.
He’ll cut the entire pan into four rows and two columns,
eat a quarter of the pan, and be able to claim he only ate two.
I stop baking to find drive through napkins on the counter.
My sister asked him if he saw the commercial
Where the father loses weight for his daughter’s wedding.
She tells him he looks so good and they cry.
He shrugged and said, I don’t watch commercials.
This poem is telling a story about a man who does not seem to know or care that his daughters are concerned with his health. It begins with the first stanza that gives detail about the problem, the second shows the daughters concern, and the third shows the father's indifference. I’m afraid that maybe this poem is being too obvious, so your suggestions are appreciated!
I think that the poem is being obvious, but I don't see that as a bad thing. I think the emotion of the poem, the daughters's concern for their father, comes through without hitting the reader over the head. I did get tripped up on the last line of the first and second stanza, however. The last line of the first stanza seems like it isn't related at all to the rest of the poem. In the last line of the second stanza, it's unclear who the poem is referring to--the people in the commercial, or the actual daughter and father. Now that I think about it some more, I think this a good thing...the confusion of which set of characters is being described can show the difference between the commercial dad and the real dad.
ReplyDelete